Men are from Mars - where are the rest of you from?


The Process
Helpful Hints

Hints to help you cope

Being a bachelor for years teaches you alot  The first few times you deal with the difficulties women throw at you, it can be so frustrating it makes your head spin.  You find yourself drinking into a stupor just so you can sleep without tossing and turning.  Well, drinking can help to an extent, but one needs to find other methods of rolling with the punches and freeing up your mind for things more productive than stewing.  One benefit of experience is that over time, you learn that alot of these situations are not the exception, but the rule.  Admitting and accepting this helps alot.  You also eventually learn what to expect and how to form a  workaround.  So we'll look at some ways to keep your chin up and stay sane, no matter what life throws us.


Accept that she IS going to test you.  It is in her job description.

No matter who she is - nice girl, bad girl, or somwhere in between, she will test your "devotion".  She will do this in an unlimited number of ways - some we discussed in Games.  There are no end to the ploys that she will use.  Some, such as the old jealousy routine, are used excessively.  Therefore they become easy to accept and ultimately dismiss.  Once you accept, in the case of her doing something to make you jealous, you have a choice to make.  Play it cool or act the jealous fool.  You see, some women are true drama queens - raised on a steady diet of soaps.  They want to ellicit a reaction, to show you won't allow it.  Even if you're not jealous, do you act the part?  Other women will do it to see if you can be cool under pressure.  Personally, this makes it easy to accept and dismiss.  Just blow it off.  You can tell if she's still wrapped around your finger or if she's looking elsewhere.  If it's the former, just be flattered that she's trying to test you.

There are countless ways she will test your relsove to be with her.  She may try to totally change you, the people you hang around, and your daily routine.  How you deal with this depends on how willing you are to change or to remain the lovable neandrathal you really are.  There are no easy ways to deal with all the tests that come up.  Just remember: it will happen.

Tie one on once in a while.

Hey, a little indulgence never hurt anyone.  Sometimes a night out with the guys (and only the guys) can help to keep your relationship in perspective.  And the guilt you just may feel after falling down in front of the dartboard will make you "a little more willing" to please.  A man that is totally dissaccociated from his former circle of friends is only going to resent his gal, and then subconciously start making her life rotten.  So if you used to go out on Thursday nights to light it up, do so.  Take her with sometimes to prove you're not drunk, drooling, and chasing skirt.  She'll be much more comfortable giving up a little me time.

Get a sponser.

I have a sponser.  That's right - just as if I were in an AA program.  I have this one friend who goes out with alot of girls, and that is something we have in common.  We're both searching for that special someone that we've always heard about. (You know, "There's someone out their for everyone").  We support each other when we're in a dilema.  This may sound kinda' "chicky", but it helps to get some of that shit off your chest.  By telling each other about the crap we're going through, we learn about shit we have yet to encounter, and together put your heads together to figure out how to deal with it.  It really does work both ways - talking and listening.

Know when to fold.

Perhaps the most important trick you'll ever learn is when to throw in the towel and say "the hell with it.  Once again, experience is your most valuable tool in making this decision.  Over time you learn that although women are all different and unique, they can fall into specific categories.  One of two, for the most part: girls who like bad boys and girls who like good boys.  Which do you fall in?  Well if you are a good guy and she's growing obviously dissinterested, you're probably not the type for her.  Accept it.  Tough shit.  And keep in mind that after a few more, or many years, of shitty relationships, she'll look and look for a nice guy like you.  Only to find there's few of us out there.  Whoops!

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